Its year 2020, and whatever we had envisioned in the past on the futuristic future did not happen. Yes, there are lots of things going on for the past decade with the surge of mobile technology and automation, increase in global warming and stuffs, things remains the same. The earth still rotates on its axis for 24 hours, and rotates around the sun for 365 days.
Personally for me, I got a job, left the job, went back to studies and voila, graduating in two months time. The past decade has been crazy as I undergo painful moments with my family and getting to know new friends and people.
I met good people who has become an important part of my circle of friends.
....
I'm surprised to even blog about this as personal blogging is no longer a fad but a past. Some bloggers from my era has moved on to become famous personalities and stuffs. Instagram and twitter took over by storm. Facebook is the "in" thing and we no longer write testimonials for Friendster or MySpace as it has phase out. Things come and go.
Back then, I was already blogging when SARS happened while I was still schooling, now in 2020, we are facing another similar virus, COVID-19 and I'm still stuck in school... How strange, things happens when I study...
I, myself, moved from a smaller apartment to a slightly bigger one with a pool below. Changes are inevitable, however we should embrace it and move on.
Reading briefly through some of the older post I had, I reconnect some of my personal traits which has evolved into something else over the decade. I guess I ditched the more emotional part of me and regained my child-like manner which often reminds my friends on silliness.
Changes is inevitable.
This is how I am right now. Perhaps ten years down the road, when I look back, my sentiments might change or maybe I might retain some, but I know I will be very different then.
Come to think of it, I grew up pretty well. :)
Truth be told, I've never come in terms with myself in the past and even up to now, there is a bit of those aggressiveness in me, pushing my limits and instilling a certain harshness on myself. I wonder why I do that. Maybe next time when I look back to this post, I might have changed again.
Its like doing a terrain, you know you never get a definite contour.
Therefore, sometimes we cannot change how a circumstances changes our situation, however it is nice to know that we can still tweak our mindset a little bit.
Still, one thing that will always remains the same... I'd really love to stay home and sleep than to head out in this hot and humid weather.
alright, my last post were probably more than 6 months ago and i've truly abandoned this blog. since i haven't been into blogging these day.. or rather, my thoughts and ideals has slowly metamorphosized into fashion, music and food.. and not forgetting to mention videos..
some time ago, i was into graffiti, photoshopping and video editing.. its not like i'm really into it right now.. but at least i know, i love doing it still.. since my social networking in reality is hopeless, at least friends from sl to support my artistic flair, that is if i do possess them..
and yes, i do blog still.. but most probably no one is reading, so.. maybe if anyone happens to chance upon this blog, i'll be surprised by ranting is heard. and yes, i'd love to share my new blog which promotes designers, artists and artistes.. also, those who are involves in backgrounds.. its more of a community rather than just suicidal rants of whats not.. asian scene.. http://www.alivenotdead.com/naoxlogy
also, on sl, i often jumped into my alt as a guy and go around cheating women's heart.. and being dubbed the "mr. popularity" in the singapore community is somewhat, funny and invokes my personality. sometimes, i wonder, if the alt is the real me or the main.. to the extend, i even
created a flickr and wordpress in order to provoke my feline manliness in the character itself. actually, like i mention, i do photoshop and i posts up most of the post processed snapshots. http://jiroism.wordpress.com/ and http://www.flickr.com/jiroism
okay, what have i really been doing?
tentatively, i'm still looking for a job, but not in an enthusiastic manner yet. what really strucks me most is probably the declining of the economy. its hard to find a job in singapore yet they still post job notices. when i tried applying, i probably fit none of the criteria. its already as bad as it is and they are still looking for people with experience. if those people really do have experience, they would have tried 101 ways to keep their current job and not risk their rice money. speaking of rice.. the prices of rice has been going up drastically and the prices of cooking oil goes up more than 2 folds. can you imagine, having unhealthy food is now 2 folds expensive than having steam food. gas are going up to near 40 dollars each tank and the black hearted gas companies might not even tank them up full. prices of rice, oil and gas goes up, people will look for alternatives. maybe if this continues on, potatoes and sweet potatoes will be the next substitution. its just like going back to world war era where people eats sweet potatoes and tapioca for survival but in today's context, the world war, not against terrorism, but against lehmann's bankrupcy ordeal that leads to economic depression. fortunately, singapore relies on human resource rather than their counterparts and neighboring countries who relies on their motherland.
another thing that worries me lately, is the transfer of kaka from acmilan to man city. man city, the richest football club in the world is attempting a 100million euro bid for kaka. kaka, great man in the pitch and off pitch mentions in an earlier report that he wants to grow old with milan and reveals a little reluctancy to leave milan. BUT!! milan's club owner, also the prime minister of italy, finds the offer lucrative and tempting, since he is a businessman himself too. if this transfer is successful, he is probably the most expensive player ever. but kaka, an ace soccer superstar, sets his hindsight on the scudetto and the champions league title more than just the possible cars and houses he could lay hands on. to refuse this huge sum, clearly shows his determination and moral as a soccer player. unfortunately, he belongs to a club, and that club could not succumb to monetary gains since the old players has been hoarding on to the club for years. i'm feeling ultra mega super depressed over this. moreover, i hadn't lay hands on my kaka 22 jersey yet. 150usd.. hmm, i hope to make this deal asap.
since i'm so depressed, i shall go for my ultimate mos burger corn soup. its a must have for people like me who depends on food and caffeine to cheer me up.
I have been thinking, blogging has become so common lately, its such a bore to read someone else's blog or even blogging for my own.
Seemingly, the act of losing oneself in the sea of words has been rising in popularity. Nowadays, posts are usually on either one thoughts or, on social norms or even just the mundane life of an average person. Blogsites has been intensively promoting their web servers and providing special services such as photo albums and other embedded objects. There has been a rise in commercial success either invidually or in organizations, blogs are not meant to be underestimated.
I just dont know what to write.
liten shan@ 5:29 AM
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
its been some time and everytime, its months...
well, i've got updates on the trip, but i do not have the pictures.. so i'll update my trip to japan later.
anyways, last night, i wrapped the rice dumplings into triagular shape. its sort of an accomplishment for me. haha.. who would thought that after all these years, i actually know how to wrap a "bazhang" haha!! who would have even thought of it! haha..
well, i took these pictures down because i know this guy who is a singaporean and he is now working in denmark. so i thought, since he misses home, i shall be nice and take some pictures of whatever he misses. haha.. well, speaking of "Duan wu jie", i'm reminded of the old story that accompanies it. its all and blatant yet, it doesn't really sticks to my mind that much though. its the traditions that is stuck in my head.
well, i'm a tradional person and i like to celebrate festivals and stuffs like that. without fail, every year, my aunt will make a bunch of rice dumplings and we'll go all the way back to kl just to savour her rice dumplings. its easy and simple which makes her rice dumpling special. yet, this year, since her house is under renovation, she didn't make. whereas my mom, who always procrastinate about learning, finally makes it this year. what a strange twist of events.
i guess, i might know the answer deep within. mom was diagnosed with cancer and she has recover ever since. everything happened within this year and it has left our family a big lesson. to treasure each other. although she still does the housework and stuffs cos i'm being complained for wasting too much resources and time, we still try our very best to do whatever we could within our means. and more more thing! to do things without leaving for regrets. this is something we've learnt. my mom becomes more positive now and stopped whining about her life that much. my brother learns to rebel more yet at the same time, he tries to listens to my mom more.. my dad simply carries all the financial burden and the family's bulk by himself as usual. but now, we're more aware of each other and tries to encourage each other rather than just sneering at each other or simply ignore. even so, i guess i'm more skinned through over my trip in japan plus the 6 months worth of saga.
anyways, last night i went for karaoke. woohoo.. we sang all the way till 6 o'clock in the morning. can you imagine us?!! omg! better not.. its hard!! haha~~ but it was fun. in japan, karaoke grinds. you can only see people sing and all you can do is let people sings since its not a personal fun trip. :( but!! it was great watching some people sing though.. will update later...
i stared at disbelief when the news on cnn were broadcast yesterday about the massacre in virginia tech, but one thing that never occurred to me is, people whom are somewhat linked were the fatalities. i received an email from the kubos and being a student from campus crusade for Christ, i was indeed, overwhelmed. you know the stark difference between this side of the world and the other is probably just the mind the people have. i don't know.. i wasn't feeling it initially, till i read the following post from a staff in virginia tech. http://www.campuscrusadeforchrist.com/virginiatech/
though disheartening and kinda sickened, watching american idol was great whenever i see melinda sings. at least, the unsettled feelings and the sympathetic tear that rolled down from my cheeks sort of dried up. well, heard it, feel it and now its time to move it...
liten shan@ 8:50 PM
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
happy chinese new year to all.. i'm right now in malaysia writing this week's of ongoings.. anyways, these picture was taken many chinese new years ago and its me and crappy shin.. heh!!
new year eve was just horrible and draggy. dad, bro and i went to bedok court to have reunion dinner with dad's family.. without mom, its just plain wierd. what's a reunion when the whole family's not there.. anyways, it was just plain boring and the food was mostly bad cept for the duck and chicken. fellowship with those guys is just plain boring too... we just live in a totally different world and paradigms. and i, standing in between their age. has totally nothing to talk about. at least paychin's age is nearer to zijie... i am totally out of league.
in the morning of new year day, the first, we had to go to grandma's place at parbury hills. it was just plain grinding. like, the house was totally hot and stuffy. to think that a million dollar apartment gives horrible ventilation. it was just so hot and stuffy that dad wants us out in less than an hour. oh before that, uncle cheeyen and family came to our place for a house visit. you know, although our family doesn't like aunt carina, at least, they bother to pay my mom a visit. as hypocrite as our entire family of relative is, we expected worse from some others. they actually bother about us. its all good..
well, then the night dinner at holiday inn at havelock's was purely a heavenly feast. i've never in my life ate lobster before though... its not a big deal but hey, a first is better than nothing. also, that night, i had the best sharkfin soup in my entire life. can you imagine?! a small claypot of fin soup and its not shredded, the fins are in one huge piece.. not one!! but two to three piece.. can you imagine that? a feast!! of course, along with other delicacy, i really wish my mom was there..
on the second, with hopefuls, i wanted to come to chasan.. mom wanted to come so much but she was having doubts. i was like, can't you make a decision and she said no.. in the end, i was making a fuss out of it because i had to cancel my outing with friends thinking they are going..
then i have to make a date with them again. one hour later, brother woke up and he found out we're not going, he made a fuss about it too. it was unanimous. i mean! at least she should just inform us early and instead of being indecisive. then she decided to go, and i was about to step out of house to meet up with sinlee.. i was like, wtf.. can't you make a bloody decision now?! and she was like, ok!! we are going.. i felt so apologetic and i promised to treat yahui and sinlee to a meal at least for backing out last minute. you know, i feel so stupid!
anyways, we made it to chasan and here i am now.. so, on the secondth night, bro and i went up to genting with weekuan and qianye... in the middle of the night, we walked around. the cool climate up there brought back pools of memories i had in japan. i really miss that land. the people are nice but the land has a totally different feel. its just different. the cold air up there just soothens one's spirit. though ironically, i was pressed by them into walking into the casino and bet. i didn't bet cos i know my habit. heh!! after like 15 years, i'm finally back uphill again. it was just pure fun... though its not a hill.. heh..
anyways, on the 3rd, i woke up late. song brought bro and i to fajar for food and recreation. guess playing bowling is a sort of recreation. with song and kuang, lit, xiangxiang, xiang's friend, chong, han and with some bryan and jinye guy. it was pure fun resulting in mom and dad going back to singapore first. anyways, uncle chok treated us to steamboat. we walked back to his house for a chit chat session and you know what!! uncle chok helped me find the crystal cross that i've been looking since i lost my previous one. the color is not the same though but i remember the last time when i buy that red cross, i first notice the yellow looking color first. it seems that fate has decreed that ultimately, this cross belongs to me. you know, i'm not into thinking that a cross will protect me that kinda superstition but i love collecting special looking cross. and i'm not those who just buy them anywhere, i had this thing for things i like. i need to feel it that the accessory and i had some sort of fate. it is only by this providence will only the accessory look good on me. and for my case, i look for crosses that its hard to find and buy. i really need to buy a beautiful thing for uncle chok.
i am a happy woman now. i don't care what people says, but really, i live in my own dreams, my own world and i don't mind people coming in as my best friends or whatever.. but i do mind if i have to do things i have no interest with. i don't like to meet up with dad's family, but i love my mom's family. i think, treating people with respect will only gain genuine sincerity from a person. like my uncle's and aunts, they are not rich people, but we are happy people. because of this, whatever we face, we are stronger ten folds. because of this, when one is in dire straits, ten folds of receiving, will be aided upon. if a uncle treats me a table of 3.6k sgd of food but its all for the sake of inviting us since i'm my father's child, i will not give a damn. if a uncle who treats me a table of steamboat which cost 200 ringgit of food, i will be the happiest and most grateful person on earth, for he treats me with a genuine heart and with all that he has, and not just because i had to. you know, i'll never forget my mom's family's every single thing they have done for me. i hope they know that... one day i'll do something for them...
happy chinese new year~~ i'm going home soon...
liten shan@ 12:55 AM
Monday, February 12, 2007
this picture is taken by me when i was in cha san last may. on the left, the brown tea tiny teapot belongs to weesong but its missing now. i was having tea in the afternoon as usual and i decided to take a picture of them with my film slr. my uncle which is weesong's dad, is a chinese tea guru. he experiments with different sort of tea to find the good ones. he's well known in malaysia and often interviewed by the local big newspapers...
last week was one hell of a week. all i did was do insane standing and bending of my back around.. it was just.. pathetic.. yet!! heh. fun!! with exception of my brother getting a new ipod nano.. pfft..
anyways, 10th of feb, saturday, our church had a valentines' day celebration and my cell is in charge of the kitchen, literally.. the entire day was so just busy peeling, chopping, brewing ice lemon tea, serving and cleaning up. at the end of the day, myself, samuel, eunice and farrand, we were the last to leave the church compounds in the middle of the night. well, we were also the first few buncha people to reach church that day. all in a day's hardwork, most of the time i spend my time alone and with slight unhappiness with frankie over some cutting. i don't get it.. thats how i felt. at a point, i so wanted to leave.. but as you know, once i start at something, i have a tendency to finish it. its like this art thing, though i'm not doing well and might be kicked out, i stil want to finish it.. whether here or outta country.. i'm gonna finish it at least..
talking to mengmeng now.. he so cute one.. don't know why i talk to him i become sot.. muahaha.. guess its because he's a bit sotsot also..
anyways, yesterday dad bought bro a ipod nano and... i'm like. he's gonna ignore my shuffle and not gonna repair it.. anyways, i bought myself a pair of suede shoes.. its dirty pink and purple mix and its clarks. i bought it cheap at sixty eight bucks. wootage~ i wanted to buy a ninety eight dollar shoe but its a pit pricy and doesn't have my size.. but if there is my size, i might just buy it. you know, its hard to find a pair of nice girly shoe for my feet.. cos i've got big feet...
but i really wanted a nano too for my birthday.. my brother ends up having it... pfft.. my parent's doesn't even remember my birthday at all.. its just so sad..
i'm thinking, i'm feeling a bit bitter.. sigh~~ back to bleach manga..
liten shan@ 1:31 PM
Friday, February 09, 2007
the pic ture above was my work piece 2 years ago.. its a bit stretched as i couldn't upload the entire piece..
anyways, this is how it looked like.
actually, this picture was from an illustration in a manga, "death note". and this character is L, the estranged and eccentric investigator. i liked his character a lot, way before the movie was out..
oh wells, 8th is over and its 9th now for me.. i didn't do anything but sleep all day at home. didn't want to do those uneccessary activities. probably its all the beefs fault.. spoil my mood..
anyways, mio offered her help on the 10th for our church event. my cell group is doing some food preparation and we're all gonna cook! its funny because most of our group members are guys. it would be interesting to see how things will turn out.
hmm.. actually, nothing much to post about though, not much thoughts and things aren't getting better for our family either.. this year will be really strange for me since cny will be in singapore for the first time.. i will miss all my cousins back in cha san and there goes my shopping and eating spree.. i wonder.. what will we do this year..
simon passed his driving test on the 8th.. what a day to remember.. muahahahaaaa~~
this waterfall picture was taken in nagano, norikura koen, one of the falls in the mountains. i am always walking in front of the troop and this picture is taken from a different angle. its special in a sense because everyone took the waterfall from the front view and i walked in further to take it from the side. i love the colors and the contrasts. it was the best waterfall pictures so far...
i'm 22!! kaka's jersey number and my age for the next 365 days. how idiotic!! sinlee and yahui just had their 21st birthday.. pfft...
well, over my last 22 years of my insignificant life, i guess all i did is probably insignificant too and nothing much to mention about..
anyways, today, lunch out with sinlee and a karaoke session. i had pasta and pizza and vietnamese fish bento in the afternoon.. think i'm crazy?
i wanted to eat steamboat for dinner that badly but vincent suggested beef stew.. the stew is so expensive and not good at all.. i wanted to oppose the idea but somehow, i can't.. don't know why.. i didn't like the beef stew i had and i'll probably won't visit there again. anyways, we went for desert after dinner and andy and albert bought a slice of cake for me and yun mei.. how sweet.. yun mei gave me a cute pouch but i didn't get anything for her.. guess i was too busy lately.. i need to find something nice for her though~~
throughout the gathering, andy said he has never seen me and vins taken a picture together. well, frankly speaking.. we took a lot in groups though but i kinda had a feeling we did deliberately took a picture in nagoya before.. but i can't recall it. i dont like to take picture with him, he always give that sian look.. and because we always argue, it seems like getting us to pose for a picture is hard. they took a video instead.. and i knew it must be andy's idea.. somehow, the excruciating process ended and before they make us take another picture since it was a video, i finally recalled and thwarted their plans.. i just don't like taking picture with him!! anyways, the picture him and i took? was taken in tachiya supermarket while we were buying groceries for nc3 dinner. it was a funny shot. with a tinge of jasmine's reflective image on the glass.. that reminded me.. the curry.
i tried to cook curry for the church nc3 dinner at yamashita sensei's house but it turned out bad... everyone was trying to rescue the curry!! matsui gou was really amazing!! heh!! he put yoghurt into it. but the curry turns out bad.. and it was a known fact among the japanese.. pfft. that i can't cook curry!! muahahaa.. of course, i can now..
during the candle blow out today, i was requested to make a wish. i gave a thought and deep down inside, i realised i have no wishes for anything. for mom's its a prayer rather than just a wish. if i could wish for something, i would wish for more wishes, rather than just 1.
just talked to mengmeng.. he's probably like a sister to me.. so dreamy.. yet, he's one tall guy whom ling thought he looked decent at least.. though somehow, i still can't link his personality and looks together.. just cant.. sheesh~
liten shan@ 1:05 AM
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
i remember very well the time when i was in nagoya two and a half years ago, i stayed in a pretty neat apartment with a nice toilet, bathroom, and a tiny kitchen along the corridor and a small room with a tiny balcony. i sleep facing this picture.. and every night, i would have to finish uploading everyone's picture and make sure the next day, i have enough memory space and battery for photos. so, all in all, i'm the most stressed out person at the end of the day. i remember one night, jiamin and zaza had to drag me out of my blanket which i was lying on and cover me with it. i didn't even shower out of exhaustion and they told me not to either. well, thats the nature of the job, to take 2 heavy role as a photographer and video man at the same time. you know, it was really fun though, at the same time, i suffered from a horrible nervous breakdown at the last night of the trip.
so, what i learn from that trip is, i should stop taking everything into my own hands and blame myself for everything. at least, i should.. try to take off some work load off me.. and not be too harsh on myself all the time. although, apparently, i'm a bummer and slacker now, no one will believe how serious can i get. oh wells, doesn't really matter!!
last sunday, yukiko left japan for exchange studies in australia and at the same time, zhiming leaves singapore for australia to continue furthering his studies. so, early in the morning, i met zhuyang for a church service in covenant efc. the sermon wasn't exactly that sleepy because earlier on, at the lrt, i met with a stupid incident. its so stupid that i just want cuss at the lrt system. i don't get it!! we pay so much for the fair, can't they hire at least one or two more people to station at each station instead of waiting like no tomorrow when there's error in machines? i wonder where does all the money goes to man. not even a control station at the lrt and the machine sysyem sucks to the core. i was so furious that i don't even feel sorry for delaying time for church service. anyways, in the afternoon, we went to zhiming's place and had a game of dilbert. heheh, board game before he leaves, how uncanny! but it was a good game!! fun!! i didn't know i could be so thick skin and do embarrassing things. i guess, the older you are, the most thick skinned you get.
oh yeah, the sermon kinda hits on me badly. in a sense, i can one hundred percent relate myself to it because, at one point, it seems to be talking about me. after all these years, what i lack is perseverance and endurance. i tend to give up so easily and take the easy way out all the time. and i never persevere myself to the end. even for now, i couldn't make it through. though, its all talk to what the pastor said, i still think in some sense, my mind is much more broadened now. i realised what i need is not someone rebuke me, but for myself to face the fact i've been procrastinating about school stuffs. its stupid in a sense, but at least i know it. how silly i have been for these years...
i was watching some tv and i notice zheng shao zong is such a happy willed celebrity. he has only one abled ear yet he took stride in everything he do. i really look up to him a lot. i'm not those idol craze kinda girl but i do admire tv actors and actress or singers who holds a certain kind of attitude and talents. in this sense, shao zong is someone i really look up to cos he is also a photographer.
sometimes, life is like a pathway reaching to a door ultimately. whether its in the beginning stage or the middle process or the end, ultimately, a door will be shown. as tired as i am, i always look towards the door. because i know, at the other side of the door, there might be more paths or another door. doesn't matter if its locked or not, as long i can open it, all i need is what i want i to be.
today, mom's going for a small surgical procedure. its not something big but i never know... blessed are those who bless people.. i pray that my mom will be alright though..
i have a damn long day and night.. its just total poonage..
i tried to sleep on saturday morning, but ended up sleeping 10minute before i depart from home. so i ended up late taking a taxi there.. cos erny called me and told me its open saturday and every cg has to do a dance. when i reached there, i was like.. omg.. how embarrassing..
but oh wells, my group is kinda the oldest so we ended up winning the game. why? because the older you are, the thicker the skin you have. get it? quite embarrassing eh? but thats what we did.. at least, we got a 30 dollar swensen's voucher.. that made up for it..
after church, i went back home and immediately, went to imm to shop. i bought a jeans cheap at 43 bucks and a top for 10 only.. didn't want to buy more.. i'm those kinda person who sees whatever i like at first sight, try it and buy it without thinking.. then dad decided to get the dvd and the woofer... total wootage..
came home tired.. and i had to fix the bloody dvd set.. i fell asleep anyways and brother was hogging on to my room.. in the end, i sleep on the cold hard floor for hours... i've got an idiot for a brother....
now i'm having all back aches and head aches and.. i'm thinking if i should strain myself further.. thinking if i should go covenant efc.. oh well, zhiming never liked me anyways, maybe i should give it a skip..
taken on board doulos in jiamin's dorm inside the ship. it was exclusive~~ from left, jiamin, me and beverly.. i miss 04 team so much!! the funniest bunch of friends ever!!
liten shan@ 8:17 AM
Friday, February 02, 2007
hmm.. this is a picture i took while i was in malaysia some time ago.. i really liked this picture.. the sky is so beautiful..
anyhows, today.. soksee called me in the afternoon and told me she'll be here.. i was still sleeping then.. i went back to sleep after her call and she called me again telling me to come down. i kinda refuse and her battery went flat. i went back to sleep. all of a sudden, my brother banged into my room telling me soksee is at our doorhouse.. i was like, alright.. she manage to find her way here.. we talked a bit in my room and we kinda fell asleep.. she says my room is lethargic.. heh~~
just finished talking to sinlee on the phone.. and we had strange ideas again.. for my birthday.. i'm turning twenty two!! 22!! i want jersey number 22 from acmilan~~ heh~~ guess its impossible eh~~
tomorrow's church, i must remember to wake up..
k, my schedule is set like this.. 6th is lunch out with lin, 7th is team meet up for steamboat.. 8th my big day which i foresee a midnight ktv session and a sushi buffet..
moral of the story? i'm gonna die of exhaustions.. muahahahaa... funfun~~
liten shan@ 10:29 PM
andy, me, esther and jiabin at the streets in orchard during christmas season...
hmm.. to blog on the start of the day is sure strange but you know, i'm a stranger.. hahahaahaa~~
anyways, last night, esther and i decided to plan for the next outing before she leaves for perth. so we kinda agreed on the time to msn but somehow, our plans were thwarted. her msn's bugged or infected with virus i think. so we decided to call each other. well, she called me and it came to a point, i've decided to call andy for a conference.. as usual, we trio always headstart the plans made. then after talking for like some time, andy kept hanging up and made me call him back again and again. it was so irritating.. anyways, in the end, after talking behind vincent's back, though i was msning him at the same time, esther decided to fight with her com and she hung up. well, andy and i continued our conversation and it was quite nice.. just that throughout the entire process including esther's convo, andy kept suarning me.. woah~~ super fustrating man!! but overall, it was a good talk.. really like talking to andy.. cos i can complain like hell.. muahahaa.. and he complains that i complain a lot.. muahahaa.. well, we were actually talking about the injuries sustained throughout the 05 trip to nagoya.. how andy dislocated his arm and how vincent broke him arm...
well, before the trip starts in 05, andy told me personally before the trip that his arm is dislocated and so, i'm the only freaking person in the entire team who knows about it. i didn't really bother to tell the whole world because i didn't think the silly man would do stupid things like playing ping pong with a baseball bat. when we were first in meigaidai, i was talking to some professor and after which, yuji came telling us andy is injured. well, at that instance, i ran like a mad woman looking for him, worried like hell while the others remains nochalant. i guess its because they didn't know.. and by the time we found him, i was there laughing at the same time worried and thinking of how stupid he can be.. mixed feelings i guess, but i know its an old injury, so i remained silent and hopes for his recovery rather than crying for him..
well, his injury led to many responsibilities i have to cover for him. carrying heavy stuffs for the team other than vincent whose arms are perfect then. i remembered one morning, vincent and i had to wake up early in the morning and prepare to help seiji with the sound equipments and we had to go shop for groceries in tachiya.. so, the two of us were praying, but vincent took all his time and i end up a few seconds rush.. pfft.. what i remembered clearly is, he carried a whole load of heavy and huge equipments up to the crusade room. seiji was impressed and complimented him being strong.
little did we know, a week or two later, we ended our last english lessons on professor rines' class and vincent and yuusuke decided to arm wrestle again!! i remember the previous week, they arm wrestled in the green area and vincent lost. and what i remembered more specifically is, yuusuke's a tennis player and ambitioned to be a coach. anyways, that fateful day, vincent and yuusuke lock arms and wrist to wrist, decided to arm wrestle again. my face was sticking in front of the two hands and go, they started. knowing vincent was about to lose, i was like.. "vincent!! don't lose!! jiayou!!" sorta thing.. and he went trying again... and then suddenly a "crack" sounds and i started looking at the tables. the tables were hard wood and near impossible to break and i noticed vincent look bad. i hurriedly hit yuusukes hands off vincent and his face turns white immediately. i know, he broke it hard! i called jody immediately but he didn't pick up. i called masayoshi and ask him to meet us at the hospital. we hurried someone to call the hospital and i told them not to call the health office but someone did anyways. i guess, at the end of that night, i was terrorized by that sound.
i held back my tears during a gathering, but deep inside me, i was feeling so horrible and filled with guilt. back in apartment, i sat beside my futon and started tearing. jasmine was fortunately a good listener. i know its not entirely, but its still partly my fault. i tried to be nice to him though i hope it wouldn't create misunderstandings. cos i had to see him in school, and in church too. it was 7 days a week man!!
up till now, i still feel horrible... didn't like the crack sound.. if he never recovers, i'll still blame myself for encouraging him to continue wrestling even though he was down. that is what andy and i had been talking about. i've never come so clean before but i really do hope that the next trip i'm gonna have, no more injuries please!!
liten shan@ 7:31 AM
Thursday, February 01, 2007
today, i've been at home.. watching tv and eating as usual.. and the highlight for today, my idiotic brother broke my bed.. he broke a column and that means i can't lie on that plank.. pfft.. its such a bother.. why do i have such a destructive brother... my laptop, my ipod, my camera and now my bed!!! what's next?!
anyways, the picture above was taken last year in sofun's pre wedding dinner. that was when i cried so bad because i was so tired and i'm forced to sit with people i don't even know. and coming up from singapore up north to kl wasn't something that relaxing either. i didn't even have time to dress up nicely.. my make up was smeared due to tearing too much.. at that moment, i felt like a kid whose lollipop was snatched away by an adult.
well, i would so much want to go to a few countries.. but first, my resolution for this year is, to make lots of money!! heh~~
liten shan@ 10:35 PM
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
its a good start of the year i guess.. at least, i don't feel any bad things coming around.. i'm just happy as i am.. ahahaa~~
i guess, there's a lot of unavoidable things that jet start the year but 2007 is definitely a year i want my best to be. at least i hope.. laughs* so, whether i do well or not.. definitely, i'm trying my best. to headstart, i starts attending church. its not by coincidence i guess, and the feeling of being called back to church is definitely a good one. i love being loved, i can't deny that. and though it might be a small step to break out of my world, i'm happy to do that. like i said, its unavoidable, once its comes, you just gotta do it!
i guess, i love my christian life, i just like it. its so hard to maintain it, but i just have to do it. being an art student is so hard to balance both, but somehow, i still lingers after that feeling of being able to hope. to hope for something different and transforming to happen to me. its a great feeling, even though sometimes i know, the ending might be still the same, but the process of hoping for these things to happen is just fabulous you know~
anyways, my new cell group started off with me, frankie, sk and erny, caleb and kunquan.. it was a humble beginning i guess.. people then comes along and it grew slight bigger. i have lots of qualms about it and i still haven't voice them out. after more than 4 years of blogging since 2002, i realised that most of what i said here was often taken into consideration in real. so, its better not to say too much, as much as i hope most of them wouldn't read this.. but i do not want to hurt people as much as i don't want them to hurt me. oh yeah, i'm a hypocrite.
well, 2002 to 2007, after so many years, that incident still lingers. i guess the hurt and pain is over, but the scar has marked my heart. i can never remove it, or pretend to forget about it. i just face it, look at it and smiles whenever. its something i want to do it this way, cos its stupid to just feel the pain all the time. i guess what really hurts me was the time to heal that wound. i made myself so depressed that even aftermath was so terrible that till now, i had unconsciously suffer from it. i kind of started to hate mixing around and i love to do things alone. its a good feeling somehow and i realised the importance of standing up myself. because, in my whole lifetime, i've decided not to rely on people too much, cos this reliance is gonna hurt everyone and even myself in the end. cos throughout the so called life process, you can just rely on everyone all the time. you know, people rely on people so much, they only pain themselves. you know its okay to watch a movie alone, you know its okay to eat alone. it doesn't matter what the strangers think or what your friends think. its how you feel. if you feel great doing these, then its good! because, i'm born not to entertain others but to live a life with myself. and of course, as time permits, my hearts wrench opens again, i will slowly come back and say.. with God as my center. i need time. xD
this year, i'm going back to nagoya once again i hope. and this year, andy, sandra and andrielle signs up for it too. i'm really excited about it. because, i really want to go back to meet with all the friends i've made, to rediscover my passion again and to target to put my life with God back on track. of course, i don't mean to do it there, i meant to put back my life with God back on track from now. the new group is gonna be exciting if we're all posted to nagoya once again~~
school is something that is troubling me right now.. sigh~~
anyways, i miss my cute old cousins.. i hope i'll be able to go back to malaysia for chinese new year this year. its something i look forward to every year. except, i hate to go back to malacca, if not, i love cha shan...
i signed up for gen12ii to Japan just. it was a spur of the moment i guess or maybe, it has been on my mind for some time yet i just couldn't figure it all out. i guess, i'm not exactly a people person as claimed to be. i just hate to go all out or even take the first step. yet i'm someone who is always contracdicting my ownself thus, leading to a few personality. i have my own set of prinsciples and rules yet, i do not stringent them. so, why did i sign up, i don't know. maybe because its something that has been bugging me and something i really want to do it. for religious or faith sake, or for self fulfilment sake, or for the sake of trying to move on to another level again, i do not know for sure.. but i'm gonna try just this once. without having too much restrictions.
recently, i've been playing around with photoshop since i'm into this new game of designing and making stuffs. it really stretches your mind to create innovative and cute new stuffs. i've been doing some self learning and this is one of the texture of my cute sanzo sama..
anyways, lately, it was my cousin sofun's wedding. her wedding has caused a big family comotion and still is the topic of the day. well, on the 16th, it was the day where her dad, my uncle held a wedding banquet. my mom and dad and i rushed all the way up north just to have a fun time of gathering but everything kinda turned sour. it was bad. well, it doesn't really matter much to me since sofun's the lead, i would still want her to be blissfully married. i immediately did something for her on her night of bachelorette's party. shin showed me thru webcam. this is my blessing to her.
for the past two days, i've been so excited about the video i'd just finished editing after a long haul. i was being lazy and stuffs, even though i've frapped the video for a couple of months already.
anyways, all in all.. nothing significant happens really. i've been stoning at home as usual. its the part of your life when you just feel laidback and oblivious to things around. somehow, i have lots of thoughts that went through my mind though, the fact remains unchanged if actions are not taken at all. in one popular phrase, "i'm lazy!"
i'm not like some super woman who doesn't sleeps at all... i just sleep as and when i'm tired. i don't remember how it all started, probably it started 6 months ago. i really wanted to go to japan this year, thats why i tried to enrol in nafa last year since the holiday is perfect for me to visit japan. little did i found out, that the government decides to have a change in our curriculum and everything was shifted back up. i could't go japan at all~ all the plans i've worked out didn't work out in the end. all the actions in my heads can't fight with reality afterall. i felt so depressed as to why things had to turn out this way. probably thats when it started. after which, i got so used to this bumming life, turning myself away from the everything. refused to accept the fact that i'm sick, physically and as wel, the mental aspect.
was so addicted to uploading videos, this is another video i reallyliked... wasshy sings amazing grace~
i'm an emotional person. by chance if you chance on seeing me in tears, its not difficult. just play me a good song, a good movie and good food. as for now, i can't help it but feel sad. really sad.. i didn't know that sadness dwells in me too. often, emotions like being happy, excited, angry, agitated, pathetic, self pity, low self confidence or whatsoever is not hard to comprehend. since it comes and go in a strong sense of directions. sadness, is something i can never comprehend, never be able to grasp the essense of being sad. till, i happens to play this song by random. or perhaps, its not random.. perhaps inside me, i want to hear a song that is touching and yet it stimulates my memory, flashing back to the past. the past may not be sad, it might be my happiest moment, my most enriching experiences.. maybe, its the current emotional experience i've been through, looking back just makes me realised how much i've lost. so.. i'm sad. i'm tearing for no reasons. i feel empty inside my heart. as if its gonna swallow me down its bottomless pit. i've no reason to be sad, but experiencing this emotion somehow gives me a clearer view of being a human being. being able to laugh, cry or smile.. whichever it is, whatever things may be going through, this sadness starts to remind me of a person i really am. not a person who only knows how to indulge in happiness, in self pity, in anger, but a person whom i'm accepted the way i am.
this video was taken by me, weeks before left for nagoya, half of the team met up at esther's place to practise for the music gig. it was probably one of my boldest idea to have the gig instead of a typical skit or something. i thought, maybe humor shouldn't be always the attention of a night of party. maybe for once, something serious. something fun like this. and i thank God that sandra saw the potential of the idea and made it through.
liten shan@ 6:56 AM
Tuesday, November 07, 2006
today's my first day of school since i didn't go yesterday. it was all okay.. since i've not seen my classmates for months. today's mio's birthday too, and we didn't celebrate like what we promised each other but it was good in a sense since i could catch some sleep..
ok... nothing much to talk about for now..
liten shan@ 8:56 PM
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
wootage~
i'm back in singapore now and the past 24 days in malaysia was incredible. somehow, everything seems like a dream. the events that happened, the people that i see, everything.
the first day i was there, i had a 12 hour train ride, the longest i had so far. there was an engine error(sounds like some game error..) somewhere near tampin and the delay took 3 hours. at the same time, song and shin got lost with directions and that took them hours too... so it was all okay~~ we then went to midvalley for breakfast at cjade express and it was my treat!! i felt so bad... anyways, it was all good. we had to catch a movie cos it was simply so cheap~~ it was a great day...
then.. the following days wasn't any bad.. there was a lot of family gatherings and stuffs and it was either good or bad.. nothing much to comment about it anymore since i've made my piece. and for the other days, stuffs happened and things that are unavoidable remains unavoidable. sometimes, you wish things are suppose to be straight and smooth cos, the rough edges has simply tortured and turmoiled us for years. yet, it happened. 4th uncle gets locked up for his mental condition. i don't like him yet i felt pity. things happens and you know, everyone felt helpless and decided, this is his fate.
i went house visiting and 2nd aunt's house is big and spacy!! it was sooooo comfortable since i didn't like her old house that much. now, i don't mind staying longer.
well, i took a bus back to singapore and it took me about 4 to 5 hours ride. it was good!! cos i didn't stress myself too much though wierd old man seems to talk to me a lot. bah!! it was creepy eh!! i reached singapore custom at around 4am and saw my mom and dad standing near the bridge. it was so hilarious since mom didn't expect me to walk that path. i was like, "hey! i've walked thru the entire custom so many times before!! you're probably the one that doesn't know!!!" ahaha~ it ended off well anyways.
well, i met up with sinlee on sunday and probably today again~~ on sunday, we saw a woman with horribly huge eyes walking towards us. we were like, omg, why is she staring at us. when she walked behind us, since we were sitting down, she called out.. "sansan and sinlee!!" we were like.. what the.... how would he know... COMMON FRIEND SOMEMORE?!! she introduced herself, "hey!! i'm fauzi!!!" sinlee and i looked at each other in astonishment. we were practically stunned! it was a guy who turned gay. we dismiss the thought and talked to him for a bit.
sinlee told me.. terence, our band senior and a pretty good friend of mine, is registering for marriage. i was like, HE'S ONLY TWENTY THREE!! i was just practically shocked!! wow! and he still remembers me. good~ the invites, i was hoping to be there yet, i'm scared. ahaha~
hmm... yesterday, i went to suki sushi with mio. we gobbled down our food so fast and we ordered too much!! it was so bad that mio went to the restroom to puke. ahaha~ we then headed to the arcade and played some games. it was all good!!
sinlee just called me and i guess we'll head out to pepper lunch today for our dinner..
liten shan@ 4:43 PM
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
well, once i thought since fate has decreed its usefulness, a repeat will never happen. i guess.. i'm wrong. thinking if things just past by like that, it will be ok since we don't provoke it or something.. oh well, it never turns out the way we want it to be.. barely! the possibilities? probably like finding a lost ring in the middle of a secondary jungle. either you're lucky and get one more chance finding it in your pocket or its not yours forever. things just goes around that way. well, not to mention, there might be a probability that your find might find it for you. ahahaha.. reminds me of the time when i was in japan, i lost marcus' tripod after carrying it around with me for 5 days. its huge so, the probability of losing it is 0.753% yet, that 0.753% works and i lost it! it was just excruciating and finding a huge thing like that shouldn't be too hard, but it is. i didn't lose it in our apartment or nearby.. i don't even remember how i lose it. after weeks of getting really busy and not think about it, the day to fly back to singapore gets nearer too. yet, there's still no news of it~ well, though it was marcus' but i feel the stress rather than himself. he appears alright in all aspects and him being oblivious about it just puts me off. the last night, while i was packing and the chukyo guys came over to our apartment, i asked kenken to buy milk since i went hungry for 2 days without food. ehehe, i spent all my money by then~ anyways, marcus went along with him. they came back and marcus was jumping with joy, i asked what happened, he showed me the tripod!! i was like, "Where?!" and he told me, i left in the 99yen shop. i was elated and grateful! i asked how did he find it and he told me that while he was paying, he say a huge black bag and it seems to fit only the shape of a tripod. he asked the cashier boy if its lost and found, and the guy says yes. he verified it and took it back. amen?! well.. its really was a close shave, just hours before we leave japan for singapore, we found it. oh well.. from then on, i tell myself.. i'm gonna use my own tripod next time.. ahahaha~~ well, a twist of fate, i found what i lost. i've been here for 20 days and i'm leaving this friday night. its been some time i've stayed here for than two weeks. i can't seem to live well with my family, i guess i am really cut for living alone.. not in solitude but at least, i know thats my thing. i felt free whenever i'm alone or in a quiet environment. strange enough, people find me talkative and noisy and stuffs though.. i am a quiet person though!! whenever i'm shin's house, i just talk to myself or keep quiet and listens. living in my own thoughts and own world and own self will. i guess i just love myself sometimes.. ahahaha.. the frogs are croaking again!! i just hate them!! i hate lizards too~ and spiders and worms!! though i just freak out but i won't go jumping around like some of those girls... tonight, i'm gonna sleep in song's room.. he went back to his apartment and i can finally occupy his room!!! ahh~~ a night without mosquitoes~~~ ooh!! i talked to cara today on msn.. i'm really grateful that at least, i've still have a classmate who still talks to me~~ happy happy~~ and its cara somemore!!
liten shan@ 10:12 PM
Monday, October 16, 2006
i feel so miserable now. my cellphone is spoilt...
last night was shin's birthday alongside with people like riang's boyfriend and siew's friend. its a triple birthday celebration and it was so cool and at the same time, HILARIOUS. ziqin treated us to the spread of iced drinks and ice cream. it was all good since we do not have to pay. shin and i sits quietly in one corner laughing away in our own world. seemingly, we tends to annoy each other lots yet we understands each other bests~~
hmm.. i'm worried about my school stuffs. especially when mio messages me, the cruel reality hits my back real hard enough to shred my escapade into pieces. i need to head back soon yet i'm soooooo afraid of going back to the same lifestyle. i need to see a doctor soon before i really go mad.
happy belated birthday shin!!
waits quietly for a breakthrough... *meeps* liten shan@ 11:19 AM
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
it has been a wow week, since the day i reach kl, everything is like a big wow! cept for some really depressing things, but overall, its a big WOW..
friday, when i arrived in kl sentral, song and shin was waiting for like 30 min max! its good considering a 3 hour delay in train ride. they were shopping around in the train station for hair accessories. song told me they were lost because shin was giving the wrong direction, in the end, they were late too.. it was all good! we were so hungry and headed down to midvalley for breakfast. i treated them c-jade express for their services. *laughs* then after strolling around the shopping centre, we decided to watch a jackie chan movie, rob b hood as we have a student pricing. it was sooo hilarious and a lil bit touching towards the end. i'm watching the cantonese version and its fabulous. you can listen to jackie's strained chinese. and louis koo was just fabulous. then we head back and got reprimanded for hanging out for such a long time. though its full moon that day, we didn't see anything. there wasnt any celebration nor nothing at all...
saturday, we didn't do anything much. shin's parents has a wedding dinner to attend to, so we had to make do with our dinner. we headed down to jenjarom to have mi hoon kueh and we bumped into haohao and honghong. haohao treated us to our dinner. then i suggest that we head down to tesco since i love supermarket so much. we ended up in fajar since we've never been there before. it was so hilarious. we saw a huge t shirt and we couldn't stop laughing. weili called song and we headed down to morib. wow, the night beach sure has a different feel. we lit the lanterns and walked around, fooled around.. we headed home afterwards.
sunday is a big day for all of us. nearly 36 of us went down to our third aunt's place in negeri sembilan, another state in malaysia. with a big front, we stormed down to her newly built bungalow for her self invite housewarming party. it was really fun and really, a great time. the food was good too.
monday is another big event too. we shifted the celebration from friday to monday. its our mid autumn's festival. shin and i scurried around the shops of banting and bought all the stuffs they asked us to buy. it wasn't our responsibility but, sigh.. shin's mom is partly at fault. though i didn't want to point that out. what did she do? i'll keep it in mind. anyways, we prepared the food too, i did a lot of moving around. at one point, the chilli bottle broke in the middle of the road and i almost fell to my knees crying. what the heck was i doing? some of my cousins brought their boyfriends and all they did was to sit there and occupied the entire eating area for their own leisure. its just not right. we had an evaluation when the entire event ends.
today, a wednesday. qianye asked us along to cheras pasar malam. so, the possibility is high that we'll go shop around. wootage..
liten shan@ 8:17 AM
i'm going to the ica building to transfer my residentship proof and am still thinking how to get back to malaysia as soon as possible. be it train or bus, i want to be there tomorrow morning. so i might take the train tonight from singapore instead from johor bahru, because its gonna be so troublesome just to save that few cents worth. maybe, i'll take a bus if the price is about the same. crossing my fingers now.. ahahahaa~~
i tried to get to the head of department and seemingly, he's not around. i wonder what should i do. maybe i'll not go back for a long stay afterall...
the motive of rushing back is actually to celebrate mid autumn festival and also my 3rd aunt's house warming party~ to us, its a big deal and i want to be there! so.. hopefully things works out well and i reach there in time. i've never celebrate mid autumn festival in malaysia for more than 14 years... so its a great deal for me...
liten shan@ 10:09 AM
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
sinlee called me and woke me up again last night and i headed straight down to lot1 for a karaoke session with her. stayed till 3am with a total of nearly 7 hours of singing and supper at 347. i didn't eat for nearly 30 hours and now, i feel horribly even tho i ate afterwhich..
was thinking about some stuffs that is happening out there in the other part of the world and how its associated to mr pringle, a clip from you tube..
and vannessa is getting married.. surprise surprise~~ 2 years ago, she did mention she'll marry in 2006.. though, now.. its a different guy she's gonna marry and i'm sure, she'll be blissfully married.
i went back to church on sunday. it was all good. nothing much happened, just that there's increase in the population in church. new faces, new policy, new ministry... it was all good.. i saw shaun while buying duck rice and he gave me a shocking look. it was so funny because he looked so different now.. much cuter hairstyle.. but same cheeky face.. well, somethings don't change... jie still do the 3, 3 sign when he sees me and eric, that guy is still as lame as ever, "sansan, not playing tennis?" i was like, omg!!! torture!! i've known that kid since he was a kid in elementary school and now.. still as annoying as ever. same joke actually lasted for 4 years.. *faints~ after which, i went shopping with aggie, chris and jan.. it was damn tiring~ i hate shopping since i don't buy clothes and things i like doesn't really sell in singapore. so, i hate shopping in singapore and with people. i can't stand crowds, noise and stuffs as they gives me horrible headaches. anyways, after which, i went down town to meet sinlee for dinner.. and to my horror, she shops again!!! we had dinner at pepper lunch. it was good and pretty nice~ since its her treat~~ came back to our housing area and had some drinks. the first sip wasn't really a sip, more like a gulp. the adrenalin rushed to our head and left us in daze. it so funny as it left my face red.
today, i woke up sooo late~~ i think i slept for 12 hours and i think i might continue sleeping if it wasn't for annoying phonecalls by *ahem**coughs* sinlee.. asked me out for dinner though we wanted to watch movie.. if it wasn't for my annoying stomachache, we would have watched "rob b not" acted by jackie chan, sam hui and louis koo.. sigh* i hate stomachaches. and i bought a beer essence hair moisturizer.. so happy~~ i'm thinking, maybe when i head back to malaysia, i might do some hair dye on it. some purple strips at the lower ends and a few on the fringe. i want it random rather then having it symetrical or universal.
k.. something interesting to talk about.. my best friend and i was talking.. about our own names.. i said i wanted to change it since my name is yan shanshan and hers is wu xinli in chinese.. she would change to wu shaotang and i would change it to yan boyu. lol.. both of our ideal names sound like a guy.. mine is really uncommon though since not many people use the word, bo... then in canto, hers will be ng xiutong and mine will be ngian pak yuu... then again, our english written names on our id is gan san san and hers is goh sin lee.. mine is because malaysia is a malay oriented country and i don't know why mine became san.. laughs* hmm.. so, if we had that our name change and its in english, what would it be? gan pak yuu and goh shao tang.. or.. WRONG.. its adyson and danielle.. ahahaha~~ kk~ enough of crapping!! i need to stop being lazy and hand in my baptism cert and change my id. first!! i need to lose it~~~
well, i've been thinking.. everytime i post i will upload a picture at least. something i draw or pictures i took. enjoy~
liten shan@ 1:15 AM
Sunday, October 01, 2006
strange day eh?
its rains today. small drizzles, and i went to the temple today. it wasn't compulsory but i still went ahead. not neccessary a big occassion i have to remember, yet my heart leads the way. i'd always thought, stepping into a chinese temple is a taboo, and all these ceremonies are meaningless. slowly, i kinda discover that, in all kinds of faith or religions, people close to me are still as close and real, and to lose a love one, they hang on to any possible means of actions to recover their loss and to feel at peace.. at least. there, today, i decided to go with a heavy heart. this grandpa of mine wasn't exceptionally close to me. he still cares, but he's not close. but he always treat me with freewill and without restrictions. so, i kinda respect his way of teaching and educating somehow but never wants to share a better relationship with him.
as we left, tears started to fill my eyes a lil bit, not a lot but a lil bit. all of a sudden, i finally realised that he has gone. really gone. you know that kinda agony that preys on you with a sudden and makes you feel the guilt because after all these years, i've never really paid any respect to him at all. anyways, the car continues to move as it drizzles, i continued to space out into the mundane singapore and with hopefuls, i wish to leave it soon.
i direct us to tiong bahru market, its near xca's house.. wanted to call and ask him to reccommend what is nice and what's not. i decided not to cos i don't understand him with his angmoh accented english yet every word starts fast ends short. as we approach a hardware shop, my dad says the things are too expensive by judging a lighter's price tag, while mom and i know by looking at other stuffs, its much cheaper than the other shops opposite our apartment. and soon, dad agreed with the price and bought some hardware and complimented on their services they rendered to us. its amazing how people view things they see at first sight and totally made pressumptions before they gather more evidence. often, its made compared to another outlet that provides a much more self fulfilled criteria to oneself. as we're leaving, the rains starts to pour. its near impossible to get to the car tho its just in front of us.
at this point, i should relate to how simon felt about rainpour yet i love rain a lot. whether its the big storms or the small drizzle. to me, the more the better. as each drops turns into each strings of water.. it thups along my heartbeat to create a much more exciting, more enthusiastic, more power, more rhythmic heart beat. as if its horns thru a huge ancient chinese war horn and cause anxiety in people. it calms my soul.. my mind~~ and rain is makes a person lethargic.. its good.. since i will sleep too...
oh.. happy children's day.. to all the childrens in the world and those who still thinks they are~~
liten shan@ 5:13 AM
Friday, September 29, 2006
*phone rings* i looked at the screen and see if its a familiar number. my heart thumps harder than usual as i was afraid its from the school or furukawa mio always calls me and starts saying, "SAN S'ANNN!! DOSHITTE~~ WHY ARE YOU NOT IN SCHOOL NE?! ASSIGNMENTO DOSHIYO?!" but no.. it was a guy. he says.. "shanshan!! ni zhi dao wo shi shui ma?" which meant, "shanshan, do you know who am i?!" i was really stunned at that moment since i've never heard of his voice on the phone before but somehow, i remember a bit of his voice from somewhere.. i told him i really don't know who he is.. and he says... "I'M ALAN!!" omg!!! it was him.. he's was actually taking a transit in singapore before he embarks on another plane to france... he's going there for half a year and he's pretty skeptic about this trip. he's a chinese guy from china who immigrated to japan. and i got to know him last year.. andy, my stupid friend gave him my number immediately after he called him. anyways, i was so happy.. really~~ i didn't had the chance to say goodbye cos dad interrupted my phone line and he shuts it. but i sincerely pray for his safety as the plane is leaving singapore in less than a hour soon..
hmm.. and aggie told me that ivan has a little baby boy now.. grats~~ i first got to know him at the age of 12.. and now i'm 21... and he has a kid now... time swish swoosh swash... little do i know, most of my older friends are married now.. muahaha.. aggie!! when's your turn?!
anyways, i'm glad.. that i'm still alive.. at least for now..
just tried to call shin and took me the trouble to call her cellphone twice, her home.. song's cellphone, just to locate her whereabouts. damn cousin i have.. i wonder whats her cellphone for.. anways, called her at grandpa's place and talked to her abit.. i can finally attend the mid autumn festival.. its been more than 14 years ever since i went back for mid autumn festival. ever since i moved to singapore, i never had that kinda of childhood memories like my cousins do.. now.. its too late since there's nothing for me to reminicise.. but its not too late cos at least for once, i'll be there...
here's something i drew earlier on this year... click to enlarge...
decides to start writing again.. not all thoughts will be posted.. probably, pictures i took, i photoshopped, i drew.. or i steal..
well, i love this song.. jay's "ye de di 7 zhang".. which i translate directly, "night's 7th chapter".. well, you see, i can't really remember song's melody at first hear, but this is probably the one that i could remember...
i decided to drop the previous blogskin and use a simple layout instead. i thought, black and white is the best whereby, its simple and easy to read.. at least for myself, i like to read what i wrote over and over again.. and changing a layout that can fit in pictures.. so that i don't have to strain my own eyes.. been here.. done that.. so, i'm back to basics.
its ok that people don't come and read it.. but a picture perfect site and my own handwritings just makes me contented.
weilin found me a pyschologist who train industrial safety.. i'm like... ok~~ well, i hope i'm alright though.. its nothing to be glorified about either.. but since no one really reads this blog, i don't care if i write it down. well, i was pretty skeptic about it at first. come on, who wants to be branded a psycho or something.. i don't want to add another medical condition into my health records again. i'm down and unfortunate enough.. drowning myself in my own misery, thinking the whole world evolve around me. everything will disappear right before my eyes just because i say so.. ahahaaa... kidding. yeah, i'm a negative person.. probably because i want to and its easier this way to shrug all my responsibilities. its not something funny or something i love to brag about. probably something which i realy think i should be happy about at least. confining myself in my room, losing interest in everything, lost all motivation, hate to go out, bad sleeping habbits, half a year menstrual cycle for the past 4 years, cover my face with my hair all the time, negative and self destructive thoughts.. i don't know whats wrong with me.. i'm scared or scary.. *laughs* doesn't really matter eh... no one bothers anyways...
having a can of cola.. though i took 3 slices of lemon, add ice and pour them into a mug... still, the quantity is a can of cola..
liten shan@ 10:17 PM
Sunday, August 27, 2006
lets review my week.. i went for some lessons... played some games.. met up with tomo on friday and perhaps maybe today.. finally went to sketches for pasta.. play both guild war.. had a fight with jeff.. and finally know how simon looks like...
i'm surprised at how much things have happened within this week.. more importantly, i barely met up with my confidantes.. probably thats why so many highlights of the week pops out of nowhere... i'm probably fed up here...
inside out.
i have not showered since friday evening... maybe i should in a moment and take a good sleep.. with hopefuls to meet up with tomo again tonight...
i thought i had something on my mind so i decided to pen it all down here..
well, the truth is finally out.. about chris and jeff.. chris and i kinda heaped a sigh of relief over jeff emotionless reaction.. it was a good time.. i know i shouldn't hide the truth.. but its a promise i shouldn't break either.. either way.. i'm doomed.. you know... but since it kinda turn out this way, where both made peace.. it was a good feeling..
well, its been some time ever since i really went to school as a full time student.. lol.. i've been thru hell maybe.. i don't know.. but its funny seeing how some people really care about you while some people just doesn't.. either way, it doesn't matter much to me anymore.. well, at least for now.. there's some bitch in class that is really getting on my nerves... i mean, i'm no better calling her that.. but come on.. she doesn't even know me and yet she's mean and acts like a big somebody to me.. maybe my soft image in school really makes me a wimp.. lol... but i do get genuine friends.. people like mio, shilei, cara and anson.. i thank God for them..
somehow, on this stage of my growing up process, i'm starting to think.. maybe locking up myself in my room does changed me to be a softer and not so temperamental person, but i guess my longing to stay in japan changes me too.. i don't scoff at people as much as i used to. now, i enjoy every single peace mother nature gives.. even in places like singapore.. my room provided that substantial amount of peace.. in the meantime, the community club that lies opposite my apartment provided enormous amount of noise which now, makes me want to migrate over to japan more...
during my teenage year, i admit i'm an outgoing, active, gungho, crazy, worked up, temperamental, daring, adventurous and irritating person.. i like annoying people, even up till now.. but over the years, i realised the importance of keeping myself down and not getting addicted to depression.. i get depressed easily, over the sickness i have and stuffs.. at such a tender age, i sure do go through a substantial amount of problems.. though some of it may be fatal but mostly, looking back, it sure helps... i've grown weaker i guess....
changes is not bad.. as long my heart is genuine, as long i don't hurt my family, i hope.. but i guess, a relative amount of hurt does makes me want to move forward more... and face the big reality.. my heart is slowly breaking apart and my soul is tearing up... but the will to go on has firmly laid the foundations and the "coincidence" i meet throughout has taught me a lot.. thinking like a child again and slowly absorbing paradigms...
woohoo... i haven't been blogging for month.. guess this sentence do sound familiar to everyone who reads blogs, this is a darn common phrase people use to open up their abandoned blogs.
well, since blog became a trend, i rarely blog, but at times, i really wanna voice out some of the feelings that has bottled up in me.. in my mind right now, i've got so many rubbish clogging up and i really need to release them all at once.. oh well, here is a good place.. since i've started blogging in 2002, i am another typical blogger who just release their fustrations and disappointments.
anyways, i can't go to japan this year.. sigh.. this has been blasting my head for months now... one thing.. i really miss that place.. i guess, i really love that place.. maybe staying in singapore for too long has overcrowded my mind and body and soul.. maybe i'll iimmigrate there one day.. well, what is my ultimate purpose? being a christian? or living a christian life? i don't know..
my best friend.. i guess, i barely talk to her anymore.. well.. seems like there is this change of attittude when we see each other.. i don't know... sometimes we take things for granted, not realising that we cannot keep up with changes.. be it weilin or sinlee.. it doesn't matter.. am i still running on the spot or have i grew a bit? or am i moving too fast or i'm a pace slower? questions questions... well, i still have no answers...
cousins are living blissfully happy now.. i'm happy.. cos they are... they are my only friends in the world that time and tide can never washed our bonds together.. no matter what.. i'm trying my best to keep up.. well, i really think i've slowed down a lot.. what am i thinking? i don't know.. guess everyone is different...
my studies.. well, design students barely study.. we just do! but the hard fact is banging my head now.. i am gonna fail a subject and i might need to pay hundreds.. i'm worried.. i hope to find a job soon... well, i know myself.. i'm relying too much on my dad's income.. but i really hope to find a suitable job right now.. sigh...
the above is evident enough to prove that i've slowed down.. when can i ever keep up with this ever changing world.. can i keep up with this kinda pace? or should i go according to my own ones? am i fated and destined to be a designer? i don't know.. i'm just gonna do it and see what comes out from it.. i'm worried and scared~~ but what can i do? i don't know..
i know i'm a dark person.. i realised some of my paintings are pretty dark or plain narcissistic. i guess i love myself too much.. my hair perhaps? but i'm still mulling over depressive matters and dark issues in my life.. i am feeling empty inside out. how i wish i could seek solace from people whom i thought i could.. well, it just didn't work out eh.. i guess so.
brother bought a new mobile phone.. pfft~~
i am utterly depressed now.. i can sense it.. not over matters from the past. but maybe because i've never really interact with people like before anymores.. i'm utterly depressed. i was talking to zen about myself locking up myself in my room and my loner attitude.. well, he gave me some feedbacks and advised me to talk to people. i guess talking.. i talk craps.. but.. sometimes, i just don't know what to say.. i'm feeling too empty.. i need to go somewhere.. but where? sigh~ this kinda feeling is growing stronger.. its like a monster inside me growing bigger and bigger.. to a point i'm going to breakdown soon.. i guess school has been insane.. that's why i'm on the verge of breaking down. if i break down.. i'll probably cry like a baby.. sometimes, i really wish i would do that though.. sigh..
i lock myself in my room.. and the funny thing is, i don't like to get out. i' m weird eh? people at my age is trying to get out of that tiny room of theirs and here myself, i'm trying to lock myself in. i guess, i'm waiting for opportunity to explode one day.
i like the movie fearless... i like jet li's movie.. and this is gonna be he last.. i'm gonna cry~~~
yes... i am easily moved by these kinda things and i tear.. but when events and situations happens, i barely cry... unless of course, i'm suffering from nervous breakdown. which happens pretty often though.. i'm not as tough as i look like... i don't act tough.. i just ain't not that tough.. but i guess, in some ways, i've grown up. to be stronger.. to be more nochalant about many things.. to leave them alone.. and not be bothered by it.. cos i know, some things are really not worth my attention.
i need to go somewhere to release the overworked mind i have right now.. now, i'm clouded with thoughts that ain't helping me but giving me strange headaches.. sigh.. literally..
i'm in love with my bed~ woohoo~~ futon sofa bed!!
in case no one knows, i am using a new computer i got months ago and~~
while typing, my chest hurts.. the muscles contracts and i had to struggle.. i think i've overworked and is uber stressed now.. i think i'm really stressed~~~ sigh~ i know it if i'm stressed..
sigh~
patience wars with angers.. and makes my blood trembles... quoted from shakespeare's R and J's..
liten shan@ 5:16 AM
Thursday, December 15, 2005
been some time...
official blogger for 3 years..
sure it sounds good, though i thought i knew the answer to it. then again.. who ever sees me with hair down and totally surrender? guess its hard to give any truth to it. but who cares.. no one do.. not even i.
i always think that i know it. i know it! i do, but i really don't. the simplicity of the question was to face the answer. who knows, it hurts yet its taste like honey.. i'm falling. who knows? who cares...
falling into an abyss of surrealism. where everything has more than two answers.
i am nothing but a daydreamer. i dream of great things, just like everyone else. truth is, i never really put any effort into realising it. still.. its sweet.. ain't it?
tired. in and out. standing on top of a box shouting, "do i care?" then.. it never happens.. IT never happens.
well, school has been hectic.. and tomorrow, the big day has come.. whether i'll get into visual communication and do something i like or some other stuffs which will make my life hell.. well, i don't know.. just have to pray harder than i'll get in~~ so... i'm crossing my finger now.. oh Lord!! please be gracious~~ sigh...
anyways... i've been pretty sick lately.. in and out.. guess i've got too much work to do and little time to rest.. moreover, the japanese friends saga, the cousin's saga... kinda make me real tired.. i mean, of all times, do they have to come at this time of the year? well, strange eh.. sheesh...
now... now... i'm still fretting over tomorrow's thingie.. guess my heart never thumped that hard before.. or maybe yes.. well, i guess my footsteps will be uber heavy tomorrow.. going to school with a heavy heart.. i can't imagine what will go through my mind even as for now, i'm hallucinating.. lol.. guess i'll just freak out.. sigh... lots of stuff going thru my mind right now.. i don't even have to mood to start my homework.. sigh.. gotta get started or else, its gonna be difficult man... i can't believe the lecturers fancy giving so much workload towards the end of the semester.. don't they suspect we have other stuffs too? pfft..
i end my case.. happy birthday people!!
liten shan@ 9:45 PM
Monday, October 10, 2005
well well...
checked my email just now and friends' from ok4724 replied.. it was heartwarming to see updates from friends that once hold such strong importance in my life. it was endearing to see these people grow up and everyone is in their own unique and individual lifestyle now.. prissy dear is now studying and an understudy being her L plate 'taitai'.. frankie, grace, aggie and jan are doing well in church.. except for aggie who is doing full time in church, the rest are doing well in nus or tp now.. josh is ord-ing soon... john is doing fashion design as a second year student in nafa.. i'm still in my fundamental studies now in visual arts in nafa too.. doing sometime i really like.. as for the others, no reply yet.. but no matter how the turnouts or whatsoever, it must be great!! frankie suggested a coffee get together~ and that taichi master, push the venue setting to me again... woahahaha.. taichi master!!
i guess all of us has grown up now.. my journal keeps chanigng too.. i'm an ordinary student doing visual arts in a design school now. i lead a simple life. sometimes, i have supper with my 'kakis' and karaoking all the time.. heheh~ i've went to japan for mission trip 2 times and i suppose that its not the last time.. i'm sure there are more to come.. my relationship with my parents have iimproved tremendously.. my walk with God is like as of a rollercoaster.. i've made a bunch of good friends in my past 2 mission trips.. i've a japanese buddy in school. my classmates are nice and friendly.. i can chat on the phone with a middle age friend for almost two hours.. i've learn to love my cousins more~ be it those from my dad's side or mom's side. i'm a D and a secondary C. i love what i'm doing now and hopefully i'll get into graphic and advertising design. i love photography. i don't know what's in or what's not. i have a cool cell group now in which i actually love doing bible study with them. frankie and i are in the same cell but we've never attended the same session before. laughs* i am who i am and what i'm made to be! i miss kimi so much. i don't know why i'm still in singapore.. haha!!
i'll always promote this website http://ady.arblog.com cos its my chinese journal site where you'll see lots of crappy pictures and stuffs~
http://ady.arblog.com.tw is my chinese blogsite.. there are really lots of wierd pictures i've uploaded.. hehe~
anyways, i realised that i've been idling around.. hehe... ok~ that's not the point...
yesterday, i had an ugly scene with my teacher who teaches figure drawing.. not that i'm a horrible student or whatever.. not that i'm loud in class or a joker anymore.. just that the words he uses smeared my reputation pisses me off... i mean, how could he say such insolent things.. its ridiculous... its ok if he draws a ugly me that is horrible enough to hurt me.. but what he wrote after that angered me... i yelled, kicked the chair and left... and he still thinks he is right.. i told my dad exactly what happened... we wanted to complain to the principal, but i thought since he has been quite gracious when i handed in my assignment late and he let me off... but that was the last straw.. and he expected me to say sorry.. my classmate, the older one, told the teacher, "teacher, if it was me, i would be angry.." and really, he said he says sorry and i did that and what i did show him disrespect, but i didn't hear his sorry.. and even if he did... what is a sorry when he continued drawing? he didn't even showed me respect in the first place when i asked him to stop, and now he wants justice? i told my dad to forget it but i did tell him what my friend said. my dad was like, he better be happy that i don't hit him... well, i was totally depressed initially, but i thought, no point getting all so worked up over that scum.. i kinda reach an agreement with myself that i won't bring school matters home since i started school... so, this is what happened...
i would still attend his lesson and hand in my homework.. but i will not talk to him nor listen to him anymore.. pfft* a teacher he call himself.. more like a boor~
liten shan@ 5:02 PM
Friday, September 23, 2005
walking down the corridors, i looked back and yellow blurry lights coming out of my living room and brother's room strucks me. a sense of belonging i once had in my room, now, i hardly have time for it. i struts down the path and crosses the black and white lines which has been repeated for more than a thousand times. i wander aimlessly around, searching for the person i'm meeting. standing under the twisted girdles shield, sinlee was standing right there. i was clear that this has been the process for the past few months... perhaps, years.
late night talks has always been my intiative, till recently, she talks more than i do.. and i have not initiated this meeting for a long time. i guess she talks more now... what can i do? but to listen to her stories over and over again. and when i speaks, i don't get the attention i want. i stop immediately...
walking down the corridors, alone. i thought to myself, what should i write? i tried to pen down my thoughts but i was blank. nothing came out except, "walking towards the 711 direction" in chinese. figure drawing teacher wants us to do a book form of expressions with a storyline. i always thought i'm good with words, but i thought sinlee would be better.. then i remembered someone once said.. that if i want to sell my works, i should do myself. i guess i will. fortunately, i can use chinese to write. i guess i'm better with it. i have no idea. i aspire to be someone great. well, actually, i aspire to have a normal life with great friends and a good home. typical eh? but there seems to be an ambitious mark i have to make in my life. i thought it was difficult when reality sets in. but i thought again, i'm going to make it. maybe not now.. not 5 years down the road, but according to my own standards and markings, i'm going to mark down all beautiful places in the world and let the world see things through my eyes. whether its a beatiful scenery, or a simple thing, or a person with a cute expression, i'm going to take it down. i don't aspire big~ but enough for me and my family.
i guess when i becomes melancholic, its partly because i'm got horrible pits and tremendous peaks... i get lots of strange mood swings in the past and recently, i've been containing my anger and anxiety. i've been suppressing it so much that i tend to flare small tempers to my classmate. in it, i have fears that i would repeat that incident 3 years ago. time really flies. 3 years already... sometimes i feel that the fear of repition surpasses the possibilities of happening and that is the probable thing that is clinging onto me. it was difficult. still is. times when i look back and see what has happened for the past 3 years, i shudder to think, how much time i have lost to gain back what i have lose. it was a bad deal in the beginning and still is. i bought it at the wrong price. it was to heavy to pay.
well now, i love what i'm doing. strange enough, i may yak a lot but, i'm more wary of people around me. i don't get all to emotional and stuffs. i tend to brag alot to cover myself much too.. though i don't know why i do that but i guess, that's me. so love me for who i am. *smiles*
now, i gotta think of story. i guess... my own story. to let others see the stories i want to relate, i have to share mine first.. jia you le~
liang liang is coming next week... yay~ my cute cousin~
liten shan@ 11:42 PM
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
met jayne alongside guilin and the guys yesterday and the day before... for dinner and chit chat session.. didn't really last long but it was pretty good.. there's still some bitterness in me whenever i see them... well, doesn't matter... different lives, different people...
anyways, probably this blog will be on hiatus... although inshane.blogspot has been accompanying me for almost 3 years, i prefer to blog in chinese.. less you are interested to read, go to http://ady.arblog.com.tw .. if you are not.. then its ok~ once in a while, i'll still blogggg in blogger.. if not, you'll see me in chinese blog then..
liten shan@ 2:30 AM
Sunday, September 11, 2005
from a friend who has been affected by hurricane katrina...
sorry i haven't been online much.. i have been occupied by this hurricane that hit here. still without power/water but i am surviving with military meals and water from rivers and creeks. hope that you are still doing well in school and stuff. hope to hear from you soon.
i was horribly worried that he might be dead before i read this message he left and now, phew...
things you'll never predict when it happens.. kinda learnt something from it, you'll lose that someone anytime from now... you'll lose yourself anytime from now... so, live a life that is without regrets or hesitation... that's what i feel... no point looking back now.. cos you will never know what will happen next..
look messaged me on friendster to tell me she's getting married.. i was like.. hmm.. why have i been receiving this kind of messages from the US.. aargh~ i need to start praying.. sigh~~~
liten shan@ 3:08 AM
Sunday, September 04, 2005
i wish i could say something but i couldn't.. it seems like something is trapped inside me.. in it, its yelling out to me.. but only me... why is it so hard to comprehend? is it because the waters are shapeless? or is it because the clouds are formless? i have no idea... but deep within me, i know the answer... am i still living in denial? or am i facing it right now?
nostalgia... looking at some photos jody took, reminded me of my love for nagoya... reminded me of joyce's testimony.. proves to me so strong and convicting.. if God is for me, who can be against me? i have always thought that i knew the answers to the questions... or do i? i have no idea... sometimes, i try to run.. try to avoid that insecurity. i know. i know its not within my jurisdiction, but i can't help it.. sometimes, i just have to learn to let go.. of the things i've held on so tightly... the past. its difficult though... though i still feel that i've let go of the hurtful ones that are clear to the surface, but subconsciously, i know.. deep within me, i've bore hatred.. resentments.. towards my church friends... doesn't matter who.. from josh's batch to whoever, that little ball rolled.. from a dot to a baseball.. from a baseball, to a basketball.. i know, if i never handle that properly, i'll drown.. in a glass of lemon juice, slowly dissolving.. and finally, soluble...
i don't just want to be a drink. i want to be water.. that is shapeless and everflowing... moving~
its been 3 months ever since i last went to church... all the excuses i give are soon to be symptoms of a typical backslider.. i yearn so much to go back.. sometimes, its not that i don't want, but i couldn't.. i needed someone to prompt me from behind.. in the end, i get a stab... or should i say, i got one... it was painful.. that stab left me on the spot for a while.. i need healing, where is it? i think.. i'm ok... as usual... i let it go.. but, that ball is still rolling..
one day, it will burst into flames and hurt everyone that comes in contact with it.. or, it will just burn and turn into ashes... who will lit it? and then extinguished it? i have no idea again.. i.. don't know.
michelangelo painted the sixtine chapel.. took him some time to get his inspiration.. took him years to finish it..
how long will i take to finish my photograph?
then again, 2 months has passed.. school has come to a term break.. finally, i get rest... this, i realised is very important to me... rest.. i've been so busy lately that i hardly get to breathe.. all in all, all i can say is, i can't commit to more that school.. and more than school and monthly nagoya prayer meetings.. did anyone tries to understand? or try to force me into thinking again?
God gave us life... i'm sure, He doesn't want us to abuse it.. i've decided to go back to study.. and this time, visual arts.. if this is the case, i really don't know what to do at times...
and they are still looking for people with experience. if those people really do have experience, they would have tried 101 ways to keep their current job and not risk their rice money. speaking of rice.. the prices of rice has been going up drastically and the prices of cooking oil goes up more than 2 folds. can you imagine, having unhealthy food is now 2 folds expensive than having steam food. gas are going up to near 40 dollars each tank and the black hearted gas companies might not even tank them up full. prices of rice, oil and gas goes up, people will look for alternatives. maybe if this continues on, potatoes and sweet potatoes will be the next substitution. its just like going back to world war era where people eats sweet potatoes and tapioca for survival but in today's context, the world war, not against terrorism, but against lehmann's bankrupcy ordeal that leads to economic depression. fortunately, singapore relies on human resource rather than their counterparts and neighboring countries who relies on their motherland. 
club owner, also the prime minister of italy, finds the offer lucrative and tempting, since he is a businessman himself too. if this transfer is successful, he is probably the most expensive player ever. but kaka, an ace soccer superstar, sets his hindsight on the scudetto and the champions league title more than just the possible cars and houses he could lay hands on. to refuse this huge sum, clearly shows his determination and moral as a soccer player. unfortunately, he belongs to a club, and that club could not succumb to monetary gains since the old players has been hoarding on to the club for years. i'm feeling ultra mega super depressed over this. moreover, i hadn't lay hands on my kaka 22 jersey yet. 150usd.. hmm, i hope to make this deal asap.
i guess, i might know the answer deep within. mom was diagnosed with cancer and she has recover ever since. everything happened within this year and it has left our family a big lesson. to treasure each other. although she still does the housework and stuffs cos i'm being complained for wasting too much resources and time, we still try our very best to do whatever we could within our means. and more more thing! to do things without leaving for regrets. this is something we've learnt. my mom becomes more positive now and stopped whining about her life that much. my brother learns to rebel more yet at the same time, he tries to listens to my mom more.. my dad simply carries all the financial burden and the family's bulk by himself as usual. but now, we're more aware of each other and tries to encourage each other rather than just sneering at each other or simply ignore. even so, i guess i'm more skinned through over my trip in japan plus the 6 months worth of saga. 
anyways, last night i went for karaoke. woohoo.. we sang all the way till 6 o'clock in the morning. can you imagine us?!! omg! better not.. its hard!! haha~~ but it was fun. in japan, karaoke grinds. you can only see people sing and all you can do is let people sings since its not a personal fun trip. :( but!! it was great watching some people sing though.. will update later...
this waterfall picture was taken in nagano, norikura koen, one of the falls in the mountains. i am always walking in front of the troop and this picture is taken from a different angle. its special in a sense because everyone took the waterfall from the front view and i walked in further to take it from the side. i love the colors and the contrasts. it was the best waterfall pictures so far...
hmm.. this is a picture i took while i was in malaysia some time ago.. i really liked this picture.. the sky is so beautiful..
of singing and supper at 347. i didn't eat for nearly 30 hours and now, i feel horribly even tho i ate afterwhich..
